punditfic

I'm re-opening

andthatstheword. Because if there's going to be a fake news DW comm where I end up doing 99% of the posting, it may as well be the one where I like the name.

Which is not to say that other people can't participate! All DW users, whether you have a real account or just OpenID access, are welcome to join and post in both

andthatstheword and

punditfic. The former is for in-character TDS/TCR fics (that is, no real!Stephen, unless he's somehow meeting "Stephen"). The latter is for...whatever you feel like posting, really. Although fans of the real-news pundits are also encouraged to check out

thosestoriesplus, home of the real action in that corner of the fandom.

Oh, and whatever corner of the fake news/real news/pundit/politics/etcetera general mish mash you hail from, do check out

punditkink! There are several lovely fics, and loads of prompts just waiting to be filled.

sailorptah

Title: Five men Stephen had sex with (and one he's still waiting on)
Rating: NC-17 (sex, language)
Pairings/Characters: "Stephen"/various (Tad, Dan Savage, Neil DeGrasse Tyson, John Oliver/Wyatt); Jon
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

A thoughtful examination of the different facets of Stephen's character, as illuminated through his interactions with people who represent a variety of personality types and relative positions to his own.

...either that, or a bit of gratuitous slutty!"Stephen" fic. You decide.

(Interesting tone I'm setting for the year, here. ¬_¬)

( Stephen's on his back on the floor, the crown of his head inches from the foot of the heater, its rumbles and groans blending with his muffled gasps and the blood pounding in his ears. )

sailorptah

Title: In Summer's Parching Heat
Rating: G
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen (pre-femslash), Jon(/"Stephen"), John Oliver, Wyatt
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Teen-through-young-adult AU: Jon[athan] and "Stephen" are gay dog groomers in California, while Olivia and company are eighth graders nearby. Oh, and a cute new British kid just transferred into their class. And Kristen maybe likes him?? Drama!

Wildly out-of-season, I know, but I needed a last-minute fill for the

hc_bingo round 2 card, prompt "heat stroke."

( 'I've just moved here from England, so you're welcome to ask me any questions you have in preparation for our inevitable re-conquest of your charming little nation. Cheerio.' )

politicette

Title: He Knows
Characters: Jon, liberal!"Stephen"
Rating: G
Summary: Written for

themistoklis's prompt: Santa is real! (any)!"Stephen" and Jon.
Word Count: 149
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

( “Santa is a fundamentally bourgeoisie fantasy, a tool of the neo-colonial capitalist kyriarchy designed to brainwash our children into consumerist slavery.” )

Title: Season's Greetings
Characters: Jon/liberal!"Stephen"
Rating: G
Summary: Written for

sailorptah's prompt: Liberal!"Stephen"'s Christmahanukwanzakah party.
Word Count: 235
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

( Season’s Greetings: Stephen Colbert’s Generic Secular Nondenominational Winter Party Fest: 2011 was sure to be Stephen’s biggest soiree yet. He was sure of it. )

Title: Deck the Halls
Characters: Jon/"Stephen" (Jon/Lorraine)
Rating: PG
Summary: Written for

gaudy_night's prompt: Jon/"Stephen", home for the holidays.
Word Count: 283
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

( Laughing, Jon leaned against the side of the cabin and watched the family frolic in the snow. )

Title: Carp How the Bells
Characters: Jon/Stephen
Rating: PG - 13
Summary: Written for

underthepiano's prompt: Jon/Stephen, holiday shopping
Word Count: 201
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

( He pulls on Jon’s hand, clutched tightly in his, and inadvertently yanks him over to the display of some of the most… unusual… Christmas curios Jon has ever seen. )

sailorptah

Title: Battered Rose
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: "Stephen"/Jon, Olivia/Kristen, assorted correspondents
Warnings: Sex, emotional abuse, (skip) consent issues, choking
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

By, um, popular demand: the alternate ending to the Castles In The Sand in which Jon refuses to give Stephen up.

(Or, to put it another way: an extended argument for why the canon ending is the happy one.)

( "Mine. In body and heart, to do with as I please. That's the deal, right?" )

sailorptah

Title: Castles In The Sand (Epilogue)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon, c!Stephen/Tad/Amy
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

And so our story ends! Before the end of the year, even, which is a relief as it was one of my 2011 fannish New Year's resolutions.

Amazing beta job by

queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( Five months later. Friends are reunited, future plans are laid, and, of course, our troublesome magical baby is finally born. )

Medium: Television
Fandom: The Colbert Report
Subject: "Stephen", Olivia, and friends (Castleverse AU)
Title: Turrets & Moats

Official soundtrack for the heroes of the Castle Down universe, a fantasy slavefic AU featuring all that is best in life: soulbonds, unicorns, and magical fempreg.

Thanks to

politicette and

queenfanfiction for song suggestions!

( Far beyond these castle walls, where the distant harbor meets the sky )

sailorptah

Title: Silly Songs With Stephen - Oh Santa
Tune: VeggieTales - Oh Santa
Characters/pairings: "Stephen", Elvis Costello (narrator), four special guests
Rating: PG (innuendo)
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

A Colbert-centric remix of the heartwarming Christmas story originally performed by CGI vegetables. Stephen and his cookies are ready for Santa, but other visitors keep knocking at his door.

( Could that be Santa? Could that be him? Could it be the one who brings presents for a fake news host like me? )

sailorptah

Title: Castles In The Sand (10/10+epilogue)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon, c!Stephen/Tad/Amy, Bobby, Alan, Jay, Meg, Buttons, Rebecca Drysdale, (skip) a tentacle monster, Neil Degrasse Tyson, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Paulina Porizkova, Helen Thomas, Martha Stewart, Stephanie Tubbs-Jones, Reza Aslan
Warnings:
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

For those of you who have the misfortune not to recognize Rebecca Drysdale...run, don't walk, to watch Time Traveling Lesbian.

Amazing beta job by

queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( Some relationships are patched up, others not so much, and the H.M.S. Report reaches the End of the World. )

sailorptah

Title: Castles In The Sand (9/10+epilogue)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon, c!Stephen/Tad/Amy, Allison, (skip) Rebecca Drysdale
Warnings: (skip) Tentacles!
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Apparently all my Olivia fics are going to make her cry at some point. Not that anyone else escapes the angst in this chapter.

Amazing beta job by

queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( Allison hates her job, Kristen is cold and wet, Jon and Stephen mix like vinegar and baking soda, and Olivia could really use someone to talk to. )

ETA: Fixed the link ^_^;

sailorptah

Title: Castles In The Sand (8/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Buttons, Jon, Allison, c!Stephen/Tad/Amy
Warnings: Past trauma, (skip) fire! (Again!)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Well, would you look at that. New pairing tags.

Amazing beta job by

queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( In which our heroes decide to coordinate their breakdowns, and the term DIAF becomes uncomfortably literal. )

sailorptah

Title: Ambush
Rating: PG
Pairings/Characters: Pre-Jon/"Stephen", background Jon/BriWi
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

A snippet from late 2005, in the alternate universe where gender is divided along Dom/sub lines rather than male/female. Jon's getting misgendered quite a bit lately, which is strange, since it's always seemed clear enough to him. Not even Stephen can throw him for a loop on that point. (Right?)

( It's not foreplay now (mostly) (Brian Williams in the green room with the silk tie), but it's close enough that it comes as a shock whenever anyone fails to connect the dots. )

sailorptah

Title: Castles In The Sand (7/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, c!Stephen/Tad (subtext), Amy, Bobby, (skip) Neil DeGrasse Tyson, c!Stephen/Tad/Amy
Warnings: Past trauma, hazardous coconuts
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

For the record, this whole fic is a wildcard fill on my

hc_bingo card, for the prompt "unexpected pregnancy" and/or "unexpected consequences of planned soulbonding." (How much do I love that both of those are options?)

Amazing beta job by

queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( Our heroes split into groups to explore an uncharted island. Cue physical danger, prophetic uncertainty, and personal revelations. )

sailorptah

Title: Castles In The Sand (6/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, c!Stephen/Amy (subtext), c!Stephen/Tad (also subtext), Buttons, (skip) Oprah, Ellen DeGeneres
Warnings: Foreplay, tumbling (literal)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Makes reference to this clip.

Amazing beta job by

queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( This is the chapter with the Big Reveal. Also, pirates. )

sailorptah

Title: Castles In The Sand (5/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, Tad, Amy, Alan, Buttons
Warnings: Foreplay, Scrabble abuse.
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Amazing beta job by

queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( In which Stephen continues to bond with Tad and Amy, Olivia's insecurities pop up at weird times, Jon gets shirtless, and a revelation is made...sort of. )

sailorptah

Title: Castles In The Sand (4/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, ~~Congresswoman~~ Duchess Norton, c!Stephen/Tad (subtext), Amy
Warnings: Fire!
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Amazing beta job by

queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( Olivia tackles her seasickness, Tad and Amy are helpful, and Stephen, as in any universe, can't resist picking a fight with Eleanor Holmes Norton. )

sailorptah

Title: Castles In The Sand (3/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, Tad, Amy, Allison, Buttons, Alan
Warnings: Foreplay, tumbling (literal)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Silphium is (or was) a real plant, although the magical AU version is slightly different. The ship's doctor can be seen in this clip.

Amazing beta job by

queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( The H.M.S. Report sets sail for the Eagle Islands, a trip which leaves Stephen sick of crossword puzzles and Olivia just plain sick. )

sailorptah

Title: Castles In The Sand (2/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, Allison Silverman, Tad, P.K. Winsome, Amy, Starbeam and Rainbow
Warnings: Bad puns. (As if "de sea" wasn't bad enough.)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

I don't think this 'verse has had enough gratuitous unicorns lately. Let's fix that.

Amazing beta job by

queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( Our heroes saddle up the unicorns and head for the port town of En-by-the-Sea, where their first move is to split up. Shenanigans ensue. )

sailorptah

Title: Castles In The Sand (1/10)
Rating: R
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, Hodgman, Miss Jenny Slothodor (a cavern singer), Sam(/Jason), Wilmore/Oliver
Warnings: Sexy sex; gratuitous bathing scene. Eventually: (skip) pregnancy, potential abortion, references to past traumas, magical fempreg, more sex, mortal peril
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

It's the third installment in the magical fantasy epic. If we've learned anything from Narnia—not to mention Pirates of the Caribbean, Shrek, and even Tolkien—that means it's time for a voyage to the End of the World. (Almost everything else about this story would probably make C. S. Lewis spin in his grave, but what can you do.)

That's right, folks, the Castleverse threequel is finally out of the "wistful hint-dropping" stage and into the "actual posting" one :D

Amazing beta job by

queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Title comes from the Philosopher Kings song. To get up to speed on the prequels, see the Castleverse Table of Contents.

( Stephen and Olivia parlay their geekiness into a job; Olivia and Kristen parlay their geekiness into hot sex. But just when everything seems to be going swimmingly, Kristen's fire powers decide to take a holiday. )

sailorptah

Title: Chill
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Vampirism, hypnotism
Pairings/Characters: "Stephen", Jon
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

In honor of Halloween, have a bit more of the Eagle of Hermes 'verse, shortly after the attacks of '99. Jon's never done this before, so he's a little nervous. In trying to make it good for him, Stephen accidentally overdoes it on the hypnosis.

For my

hc_bingo round 2 card, prompt "brainwashing".

( 'I'll take half a pint, and not a drop more. You might not appreciate it — few people do — but my self-control is legendary.' )

sailorptah

Title: I Still Need You
Fandom: Fake News
Characters: Jon/"Stephen", others
Song: Peter Donnelly, "Say It's Alright"
Video: TDS, TCR, Emmys, the Rally, A Colbert Christmas, the Legally Prohibited From Appearing On Television Tour
Rating: PG
Warnings: some blood, character "death"

Preview

For my round 2

hc_bingo card. The challenge: work all 25 prompts into a single fill. The thought: with all the painful and/or cracky things "Stephen" goes through, I should be able to meet that challenge entirely with canon footage, right? (The answer: Yes.)

As you might expect, this vid gets a little random. It has a loose narrative, in that Jon and "Stephen" spend the whole thing circling each other while bad things happen to one or both of them; beyond that, it relies on atmosphere and aesthetic to hold together. And by "aesthetic" I mean "gleeful abuse of the crop tool."

Watch: YouTube | DailyMotion | MegaUpload (.avi, 5:02, 68.0 MB)
Read: The prompts, in order of appearance, plus the lyrics

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Page Summary

sailorptah - New Year's announcement
sailorptah - Five men Stephen had sex with (and one he's still waiting on)
sailorptah - In Summer's Parching Heat
politicette - Four Cookies
sailorptah - Castles In The Sand - Battered Rose
sailorptah - Castles In The Sand, epilogue + soundtrack
sailorptah - Silly Songs With Stephen - Oh Santa
sailorptah - Castles In The Sand, chapter 10
sailorptah - Castles In The Sand, chapter 9
sailorptah - Castles In The Sand, chapter 8
sailorptah - Ambush
sailorptah - Castles In The Sand, chapter 7
sailorptah - Castles In The Sand, chapter 6
sailorptah - Castles In The Sand, chapter 5
sailorptah - Castles In The Sand, chapter 4
sailorptah - Castles In The Sand, chapter 3
sailorptah - Castles In The Sand, chapter 2
sailorptah - Castles In The Sand, chapter 1
sailorptah - Fic: Chill
sailorptah - Vid: I Still Need You

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New Year's announcement

Five men Stephen had sex with (and one he's still waiting on)

In Summer's Parching Heat

Four Cookies

Castles In The Sand - Battered Rose

Castles In The Sand, epilogue + soundtrack

Silly Songs With Stephen - Oh Santa

Castles In The Sand, chapter 10

Castles In The Sand, chapter 9

Castles In The Sand, chapter 8

Ambush

Castles In The Sand, chapter 7

Castles In The Sand, chapter 6

Castles In The Sand, chapter 5

Castles In The Sand, chapter 4

Castles In The Sand, chapter 3

Castles In The Sand, chapter 2

Castles In The Sand, chapter 1

Fic: Chill

Vid: I Still Need You

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