erinptah: (Integra)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Five men Stephen had sex with (and one he's still waiting on)
Rating: NC-17 (sex, language)
Pairings/Characters: "Stephen"/various (Tad, Dan Savage, Neil DeGrasse Tyson, John Oliver/Wyatt); Jon
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

A thoughtful examination of the different facets of Stephen's character, as illuminated through his interactions with people who represent a variety of personality types and relative positions to his own.

...either that, or a bit of gratuitous slutty!"Stephen" fic. You decide.

(Interesting tone I'm setting for the year, here. ¬_¬)

( Stephen's on his back on the floor, the crown of his head inches from the foot of the heater, its rumbles and groans blending with his muffled gasps and the blood pounding in his ears. )
erinptah: (college lesbian)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: In Summer's Parching Heat
Rating: G
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen (pre-femslash), Jon(/"Stephen"), John Oliver, Wyatt
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Teen-through-young-adult AU: Jon[athan] and "Stephen" are gay dog groomers in California, while Olivia and company are eighth graders nearby. Oh, and a cute new British kid just transferred into their class. And Kristen maybe likes him?? Drama!

Wildly out-of-season, I know, but I needed a last-minute fill for the [community profile] hc_bingo round 2 card, prompt "heat stroke."

( 'I've just moved here from England, so you're welcome to ask me any questions you have in preparation for our inevitable re-conquest of your charming little nation. Cheerio.' )
politicette: (Default)
[personal profile] politicette
Title: He Knows
Characters: Jon, liberal!"Stephen"
Rating: G
Summary: Written for [personal profile] themistoklis's prompt: Santa is real! (any)!"Stephen" and Jon.
Word Count: 149
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

Expand“Santa is a fundamentally bourgeoisie fantasy, a tool of the neo-colonial capitalist kyriarchy designed to brainwash our children into consumerist slavery.”  )

Title:
Season's Greetings
Characters: Jon/liberal!"Stephen"
Rating: G
Summary: Written for [personal profile] erinptah's prompt: Liberal!"Stephen"'s Christmahanukwanzakah party.
Word Count: 235
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

ExpandSeason’s Greetings: Stephen Colbert’s Generic Secular Nondenominational Winter Party Fest: 2011 was sure to be Stephen’s biggest soiree yet. He was sure of it.  )


Title: Deck the Halls
Characters: Jon/"Stephen" (Jon/Lorraine)
Rating: PG
Summary: Written for [personal profile] gaudy_night's prompt: Jon/"Stephen", home for the holidays.
Word Count: 283
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

ExpandLaughing, Jon leaned against the side of the cabin and watched the family frolic in the snow.  )

Title: Carp How the Bells
Characters: Jon/Stephen
Rating: PG - 13
Summary: Written for [profile] underthepiano's prompt: Jon/Stephen, holiday shopping
Word Count: 201
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

ExpandHe pulls on Jon’s hand, clutched tightly in his, and inadvertently yanks him over to the display of some of the most… unusual… Christmas curios Jon has ever seen.  )
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Silly Songs With Stephen - Oh Santa
Tune: VeggieTales - Oh Santa
Characters/pairings: "Stephen", Elvis Costello (narrator), four special guests
Rating: PG (innuendo)
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

A Colbert-centric remix of the heartwarming Christmas story originally performed by CGI vegetables. Stephen and his cookies are ready for Santa, but other visitors keep knocking at his door.

( Could that be Santa? Could that be him? Could it be the one who brings presents for a fake news host like me? )
erinptah: (fountain)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Castles In The Sand (8/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Buttons, Jon, Allison, c!Stephen/Tad/Amy
Warnings: Past trauma, (skip) fire! (Again!)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Well, would you look at that. New pairing tags.

Amazing beta job by [personal profile] queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( In which our heroes decide to coordinate their breakdowns, and the term DIAF becomes uncomfortably literal. )

Fic: Chill

Oct. 30th, 2011 09:09 pm
erinptah: (winding road)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Chill
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Vampirism, hypnotism
Pairings/Characters: "Stephen", Jon
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

In honor of Halloween, have a bit more of the Eagle of Hermes 'verse, shortly after the attacks of '99. Jon's never done this before, so he's a little nervous. In trying to make it good for him, Stephen accidentally overdoes it on the hypnosis.

For my [community profile] hc_bingo round 2 card, prompt "brainwashing".

( 'I'll take half a pint, and not a drop more. You might not appreciate it — few people do — but my self-control is legendary.' )
erinptah: (sailor moon)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Five (And Then Some) Heart Crystals The Death Busters Never Stole
Fandoms: Sailor Moon and crossovers: The Daily Show, Puella Magi Madoka Magica, His Dark Materials, Battlestar Galactica, Doctor Who
Characters/Pairings: Kaolinite, Eudial, Mimete, Viluy; Jon, Olivia, "Stephen"; Homura/Madoka; Lyra, Pan; Sharon, Roslin, Tory, Tigh; Four, Sarah Jane
Rating: PG
Warnings: Spoils ALL THE THINGS, especially MadoMagi, HDM, and BSG.
Disclaimer: Not a single one of these series is mine. More's the pity.

What it says on the tin. Heart crystals that Kaolinite and the Witches 5 would have gone after, if only they'd existed in the same series.

Most of these involve AU versions of the crossover characters' canon settings. Just pretend those years and areas were the ones in which the Death Busters set up shop...and then ignore all the continuity issues that brings up ^_^;

For my round 2 [community profile] hc_bingo card, prompts "experiments by evil scientists" and "headaches/migraines".

On Dreamwidth | On the AO3
erinptah: (winding road)
[personal profile] erinptah
Rating: G unless otherwise stated
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. The content is the product of my imagination, and the characters aren't mine.

Just finished an all-TCR set of fills for my card in [community profile] hc_bingo. A couple were fics, which have already been crossposted, and the rest are fanart:

Title: Do I Dare--? (homesickness)
It's not a gay thing. Honest. Stephen just happened to be missing South Carolina at the time, and Jon walked by with a peach, so Stephen couldn't resist a taste. That's a normal thing for heterosexual guys to do. Right?

Title: Tentacolbert (attacked by a creature)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Tentacle sex.
In which Stephen finds love (and, the next day, slime) in unexpected places, and Jon should really learn to be more sensitive to cultures different from his own.

Title: Not A Southern Belle (heat stroke)
I honestly couldn't tell you whether Stephen's really fainting, fake-fainting to induce Jon to fuss over him, or fake-fainting because he believes it's The Done Thing for a South Carolina peach in a lovely dress.

Title: Fear Puppetry (brainwashing)
Who's puppeting who?

Title: Are You Sure This Is Super Serum? (experiments by evil scientists)
Rating: PG
Sinister!bearded!Jon has brought Stephen to his secret lab, with promises of Captain-America-style super serum. Now Stephen's starting to have second thoughts, but it may already be too late....
erinptah: (You Are Not Alone)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Beware The Nice Ones
Rating: NC-17
Contents: Sex, language, emotional unhealthiness in spades
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen" (background Jon/Tracey and "Stephen"/Lorraine)
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

A slice of post-Emmy darkfic.

( It's not really surprising that people think Jon's the nice one. )
erinptah: Cat in christmas lights (christmas)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Something To Celebrate
Rating: PG
Characters/pairings: Jon, liberal!"Stephen"
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

A very special holiday-themed Liberalverse ficlet, referencing the passing of the Zadroga bill. (This was more poignant before the bill's failings began to surface, but oh well.) Based on a prompt from [personal profile] queenfanfiction: 034. Not Enough

( Stephen is resolutely observing Soltice, Festivus, HumanLight, Christmahanukwanzakah, Kwanzaa, and Slovenien Independence Day all in a row. )
erinptah: (Birds)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Feel The Magic, Hear The Purr
Fandom: The Colbert Report
Characters/Pairings: "Stephen", Jon, Christiane, Tad
Rating: PG
Summary: An accidental bit of magic leaves Stephen's mind switched out of his body...and into Christiane Aman-purr's. While Tad heads off to retrieve the fix, Jon gets stuck with cat-sitting.

(In other words: I had a sudden urge to write some kind of catboy!Stephen, and decided not to fight it.)

Written for round 2 of [community profile] hc_bingo, prompt "mindswap"; card and masterpost here.

( 'I'm not used to being dependent on someone else for basic needs. I mean, sure, my lunch is always catered and brought to me on silver platters by toga-clad interns, but I always open it up myself!' )
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: It Came From Beyond The Stars And Stripes (4/4)
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen", Olivia, alien OCs
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: (skip) mortal peril
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. The Report characters and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and Viacom. The real person(s) are used in a fictional parody context.

Jon and Stephen deal with the emotional aftermath of Jon's operation. Ideally, they wouldn't have had to do that while Olivia and Jon were also facing the climax of the fight for humanity's place in the universe...but hey, you work with what you get.

For the record, this hits "arrest" and "brainwashing" on my card for [community profile] hc_bingo.

Full story: Table of Contents

( 'If you don't make things right with Jon before then, you might lose the chance forever.' )
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Sweetness Follows; or, The Remarkably Low-Angst Transition of Joan Stewart
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Language, transphobia, references to bullying, bad accents, outrageous drag names.
Characters/pairings: Jo(a)n(/Tracey), "Stephen", John Oliver, Wyatt, Kristen
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

What it says on the tin. Jon switches names, starts on hormones, deals with mood swings, and gets support from almost all quarters, in the office and out. Stephen has a rocky time with the whole idea, but who didn't see that coming?

Last-minute amnesty fill for [community profile] queer_fest, for the prompt: (skip) Any fandom, any MtF character, why she doesn't want surgery--a girl can have a penis dammit! This should NOT be a problem!

In spite of the timing, it's been in progress since back when that was an [community profile] lgbtfest prompt. Takes place around spring/summer of 2009.

Related stories: Transverse

( 'Do you know how rare true ballsiness is? How could you jeopardize our country by making that resource even more scarce? And in a time of war, too! I should call Homeland Security on you!' )
erinptah: (starscape)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: It Came From Beyond The Stars And Stripes (3/4)
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen", Olivia, alien OCs
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Angst, (skip) abortion, medical skeeviness, imminent memory wipe
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. The Report characters and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and Viacom. The real person(s) are used in a fictional parody context.

Stephen, Jon, and Olivia wind up on a secret alien moon base. They're all much too preoccupied to appreciate it properly.

Hat Tip to [personal profile] sarcasticsra for some of the alien design. A further Hat Tip to Octavia E. Butler for writing top-notch serious alien mpreg (warning: body horror, wonky alien consent issues). And while I'm here, a Hat Tip to TDS co-creator Lizz Winnstead, who is currently doing a comedy tour in support of Planned Parenthood.

Full story: Table of Contents

( 'Cut him some slack, Your Alienness; he's never gotten anyone knocked up before.' )
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: It Came From Beyond The Stars And Stripes (2/4?)
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen", the WØRD, Olivia
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mpreg, squicky biological stuff, (skip) fighting over abortion
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. The Report characters and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and Viacom. The real person(s) are used in a fictional parody context.

Stephen and Jon each have their own separate freakouts about the hybrid fetus incubating in Jon's torso, which finally, painfully, crash together. Olivia provides emotional support along the way, though she's really just here for the alien fish.

...Honestly, any summary for this sounds like false advertising. It's too sober for crackfic, and takes refuge in audacity too much to be serious, and I don't know how to convey the balance (assuming there is one) other than letting the text speak for itself.

Full story: Table of Contents

( 'Men don't express worry. They just roll it up in a ball and compress it into a tiny tight little knot until they can let it out by exploding at Democrats.' )
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: New York Marriage
Cast: Jon, "Stephen"
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Shortly after a bill is signed into law, Jon gets a very loud phone call.

Also here on DA.

'Let me guess. This is about the New York Senate's latest vote.' )
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
After a couple years of noninspiration (or at least, nonmotivation), I finally finished a new vid :D

PreviewTitle: Sexy, Naughty, Daily
Footage: The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, The Jon Stewart Show, The Larry Sanders Show
Music: Tata Young, "Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy"
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen", Jon/Wyatt, Jon/Hodgman, Jon/John Oliver, Jon/various, Sam/Jason, Jason/John Oliver, Jason/Wyatt/John Oliver, John Oliver/Aasif, John Oliver/various, Kristen/Larry, "Stephen"/audience, "Stephen"/Fonda, "Stephen"/bear, "Stephen"/Emmy, "Stephen"/food, "Stephen"/various, with special guest appearances from Olivia, Rob Riggle, happy!"Stephen", Julian the dancing cameraman, a variety of guests, and Gary Shandling. It's that kind of vid.
Disclaimer: This is a fair-use transformative work; the original material is not mine.

Two words: Peabody Award. (Two other words: short shorts.)

DailyMotion | MegaUpload (.avi, 3:37, 54.3 MB) | Website (with lyrics)
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: It Came From Beyond The Stars And Stripes (1/4?)
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen", Olivia, the WØRD
Rating: R
Warnings: Alien!sex, tentacles, mpreg. Eventually: (skip) abortion, imprisonment, threatened brainwashing, mortal peril, aliens shaped like celery.
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. The Report characters and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and Viacom. The real person(s) are used in a fictional parody context.

Beginning of the expanded version of the alien!"Stephen"/pregnant!Jon ficlet. A draft of this languished on my hard drive for almost two years, until I finally realized what it was missing: secret agent Olivia.

( 'I'll have you know I've had hundreds of mating partners! And they all agreed I was a very considerate lover. It's not my fault you were born without %%(!*!) ridges.' )
erinptah: (Maggie)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: It Came From Beyond The Stars And Stripes (short version)
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Alien!sex, (skip) mpreg
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. The Report characters and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and Viacom. The real person(s) are used in a fictional parody context.

As prompted by [personal profile] biichan: "Fic where Stephen is the alien and is secretly conducting a study of human behavior. His, ah, Stephen-ness is his way of 'blending in.'"

Expanded version, currently in progress: Table of Contents

( 'So the rest of the galaxy currently thinks my entire species behaves like you do?' )
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: The DM of +4 Ohana
Rating: PG-13
Contents: Swearing, foreplay, references to IRL childhood angst, corruption of the youth
Characters/pairings: "Stephen"/Jon[athan], Olivia, Kristen, Demetri, Wyatt, Sam(/Jason)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

For the prompt "Fixed" from [personal profile] politicette. Trouble threatens to break up the most beautiful gay dog-grooming couple in all of 1980's California. Can Olivia, with the help of her quirky multi-ethnic posse, figure out a way to save it?

Or, more seriously: a story about three people trying to find a way to balance each other out, plus the friends who play D&D with them.

( 'Their love is beautiful and true like a Disney movie. Stephen even has pretty princess eyelashes! They're meant to be!' )

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