erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: New York Marriage
Cast: Jon, "Stephen"
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Shortly after a bill is signed into law, Jon gets a very loud phone call.

Also here on DA.

'Let me guess. This is about the New York Senate's latest vote.' )

Pink Ropes

Apr. 26th, 2011 12:59 am
erinptah: (sailor planet attack)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Pink Ropes
Pairing: Jon/happy!"Stephen"
Rating: soft R (bondage, naked chibis)
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement.

Inspired when some folks at [community profile] asexual_fandom bemoaned the lack of asexual BDSM.

Even the pinkest and fluffiest version of "Stephen" is kinky. He just does it in a way so sweet it demands Hello Kitty censor bars.

'I never would have guessed that you were into this sort of thing.' )
erinptah: (winding road)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: And Make It Snappy
Rating: G
Pairings/Characters: "Stephen"/Barry
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Written a while ago for [personal profile] politicette, who wanted me to pair "Stephen" with someone other than Jon, such as, perhaps, the barista under his desk.

( 'Double whipped grande black mocha venti latte with cream and sprinkles, on the rocks.' )
erinptah: (Maggie)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Cougar Hunting
Rating: G (dart guns are G-rated, right?)
Cast: Kristen, Olivia, Sam
Disclaimer: Work of parody. Not real; not mine.

Inspired by this segment: Kristen takes Olivia on a hunt for the most dangerous game.

'Are you ready?' )
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: California Boys
Cast: "Stephen"/Jonathan
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Characters are the Report's. Not real; not mine.

A scene from Stephen's time in California with "Jonathan" (transcribed here). Same continuity as the fifth scene in Eyes Like Dead Birds.

Stephen just wants to have a carefree life full of sunshine, puppies, and fantastic sex. Alas, his boyfriend's serious side cannot be kept in check.

'We're upscale gay dog groomers. We're not supposed to think about anything serious.' )
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: The Eagle of Hermes, Chapter Seven + The Rally To Restore Humanity
Rating: PG
Series: TDS/TCR, Hellsing
Characters: Jon, "Stephen", the Hellsing crew, the Iscariots
Disclaimer: None of these events are real and none of these characters are mine.

Belatedly realized that I never crossposted this. Whoops.

In the final chapter, three organizations on three different land masses deal with the fallout of leaving one of the world's deadliest creatures in the hands of a comedian. The side story, two years later, covers how this version of the Rally went down.

Chapter Seven gallery
The Rally To Restore Humanity
Main page
erinptah: (Integra)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: The Eagle of Hermes, Chapter Six
Rating: PG-13 (knives, potentially triggery scene)
Series: TDS/TCR, Hellsing
Characters: Jon, "Stephen", Seras, Integra
Disclaimer: None of these events are real and none of these characters are mine.

In which Stephen is naked and chained to a table in a dungeon while Jon hovers over him with a knife, and it's not for kink reasons.

Seriously, it's time for Jon to test his own will against Stephen's powers of ruling the night and feasting on human flesh. And if he fails, Stephen dies...possibly after taking Jon down with him.

Chapter Six gallery
Main page
erinptah: (Integra)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: The Eagle of Hermes, Chapter Five
Rating: PG (character undeath)
Series: TDS/TCR, Hellsing
Characters: Jon, "Stephen", Seras, Integra
Disclaimer: None of these events are real and none of these characters are mine.

In which Integra makes it clear that our heroes are not out of the woods yet; Jon gets a tour of one of the worst mornings in his life; and Seras makes Stephen an offer he can't refuse, which Stephen, being Stephen, refuses.

Chapter Five gallery
Main page
erinptah: (legendary)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: FEAR vs SANITY
Rating: G
Cast: "Stephen", Jon
Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine. Rallies aren't mine. Style isn't mine. Sentiments are public domain.

A tribute to the upcoming Stewart-Colbert wedding paired rallies, drawn while doing an impression of Jules Feiffer.

Fear! )

Comes with matching icons!

Sanity. )
erinptah: (Maggie)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: The Eagle of Hermes, Chapter Four
Rating: PG (mortal peril on all sides)
Series: TDS/TCR, Hellsing
Characters: Jon, "Stephen", Seras Victoria, with bonus Integra and Alhambra
Disclaimer: None of these events are real and none of these characters are mine.

In which Jon is not dead, and has even somehow ended up in a hospital, although the cute nurse is more than she seems.

Chapter Four gallery
Main page
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Liberal Guilt Attack
Rating: G
Characters: Jon, liberal!"Stephen"
Disclaimer: Work of parody. Not real, not mine.

Liberal!Stephen wants to be sensitive and caring, but sometimes he goes a little overboard.

This is back when Stephen was working on TDS, thus Jon having darker hair and giving him assignments.

'Hi, Jon. I was just thinking...' )
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: The Eagle of Hermes, Chapter Three
Rating: PG (mortal peril on all sides)
Series: TDS/TCR, Hellsing
Characters: Jon, "Stephen", Seras Victoria
Disclaimer: None of these events are real and none of these characters are mine.

In which Stephen does some singing, Jon gets scrubbed down with holy water, and we learn some uncomfortable details about the secret agency Stephen used to work for, all before he drags Jon on a high-speed chase hundreds of feet above the streets of New York City.

Chapter Three gallery
Main page
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Clothing Choices
Rating: PG
Characters: Jon, Olivia, Wyatt
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

Olivia wants to make sure she hasn't just been hired to wear sexy outfits. Jon reassures her. Wyatt is fetching in blue.

Inspired by this interview, in which she seems so painfully fed up with the increasingly creepy pressure from her bosses to show more cleavage.

(The Kristen-as-Wonder-Woman segment is here.)

'If we needed someone to strip down to a Wonder Woman costume, Kristen Schaal's already done it.' )
erinptah: (Integra)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: The Eagle of Hermes, Chapter Two
Rating: PG (some violence, some guns, character death)
Series: TDS/TCR, Hellsing
Characters: Jon, "Stephen", Bobby, Heinkel, brief!flashback!Alucard, OCs
Disclaimer: None of these events are real and none of these characters are mine.

After Stephen saved Jon's life in the horror-movie-come-true that was '99, Jon figures he owes it to stick by him. Even when Stephen is a KO'd and largely-powerless vampire who can't do anything about the guns pointed at them. At least, until he gets a pep talk from Bobby. (Yes, the dead Bobby....)

Chapter Two gallery
Main page
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: The Eagle of Hermes, Chapter One
Rating: PG (some violence, some guns, character death)
Series: TDS/TCR, Hellsing
Characters: Jon, "Stephen", Bobby, Heinkel Wolfe, OCs
Disclaimer: None of these events are real and none of these characters are mine.

Stephen's a vampire - and not the sparkly kind, either. With Jon's help, he's managed to keep under control for years...until Bobby makes the mistake of looking delicious, and the Vatican sends a couple of its elite monster-hunters to take him out.

Chapter One gallery
Main page (with bonus art; join the group for realtime updates)
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Ravishing
Subjects: Joan, "Stephanie"
Rating: PG-13 (discussion of rape fantasy)
Disclaimer: This is as fake as the Report fireplace, and certainly not mine.

In which Stephanie has some messed-up ideas about gender roles and sex, and Joan makes a valiant attempt to, well, turn her off of them.

'Deep down, women like to have control taken away.' )
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
And now for something completely different: a bunch of comics drawn by Ed Helms.

(Caution: features a couple of possibly-tasteless jokes, although nothing you wouldn't see on TDS.)

'Magic 8 Ball has a rude awakening.' )
erinptah: (Kitten)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Needs Met, Happyverse Style
Characters: (a) c!Stephen, (an) l!Stephen, Jon/happy!Stephen
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Work of parody. Not real; not mine.

From the same multiverse as Needs Met. Two familiar-looking Stephens respond to a call for help from the happy!verse...

'Hi, Jon! We're your visitors from the Interdimensional Colbert Exchange Program.' )

Also here on DA.

Profile

punditfic: (Default)
Punditfic

July 2014

S M T W T F S
  12345
6789101112
131415161718 19
20212223242526
2728293031  

Syndicate

RSS Atom
Page generated Jun. 24th, 2017 05:18 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios