Ambush

Dec. 6th, 2011 07:41 pm
erinptah: (You Are Not Alone)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Ambush
Rating: PG
Pairings/Characters: Pre-Jon/"Stephen", background Jon/BriWi
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

A snippet from late 2005, in the alternate universe where gender is divided along Dom/sub lines rather than male/female. Jon's getting misgendered quite a bit lately, which is strange, since it's always seemed clear enough to him. Not even Stephen can throw him for a loop on that point. (Right?)

( It's not foreplay now (mostly) (Brian Williams in the green room with the silk tie), but it's close enough that it comes as a shock whenever anyone fails to connect the dots. )
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Castles In The Sand (7/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, c!Stephen/Tad (subtext), Amy, Bobby, (skip) Neil DeGrasse Tyson, c!Stephen/Tad/Amy
Warnings: Past trauma, hazardous coconuts
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

For the record, this whole fic is a wildcard fill on my [community profile] hc_bingo card, for the prompt "unexpected pregnancy" and/or "unexpected consequences of planned soulbonding." (How much do I love that both of those are options?)

Amazing beta job by [personal profile] queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( Our heroes split into groups to explore an uncharted island. Cue physical danger, prophetic uncertainty, and personal revelations. )
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Castles In The Sand (6/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, c!Stephen/Amy (subtext), c!Stephen/Tad (also subtext), Buttons, (skip) Oprah, Ellen DeGeneres
Warnings: Foreplay, tumbling (literal)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Makes reference to this clip.

Amazing beta job by [personal profile] queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( This is the chapter with the Big Reveal. Also, pirates. )
erinptah: Madoka and Homura (madoka)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Castles In The Sand (5/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, Tad, Amy, Alan, Buttons
Warnings: Foreplay, Scrabble abuse.
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Amazing beta job by [personal profile] queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( In which Stephen continues to bond with Tad and Amy, Olivia's insecurities pop up at weird times, Jon gets shirtless, and a revelation is made...sort of. )
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Castles In The Sand (4/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, Congresswoman Duchess Norton, c!Stephen/Tad (subtext), Amy
Warnings: Fire!
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Amazing beta job by [personal profile] queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( Olivia tackles her seasickness, Tad and Amy are helpful, and Stephen, as in any universe, can't resist picking a fight with Eleanor Holmes Norton. )
erinptah: (college lesbian)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Castles In The Sand (3/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, Tad, Amy, Allison, Buttons, Alan
Warnings: Foreplay, tumbling (literal)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Silphium is (or was) a real plant, although the magical AU version is slightly different. The ship's doctor can be seen in this clip.

Amazing beta job by [personal profile] queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( The H.M.S. Report sets sail for the Eagle Islands, a trip which leaves Stephen sick of crossword puzzles and Olivia just plain sick. )
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Castles In The Sand (2/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, Allison Silverman, Tad, P.K. Winsome, Amy, Starbeam and Rainbow
Warnings: Bad puns. (As if "de sea" wasn't bad enough.)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

I don't think this 'verse has had enough gratuitous unicorns lately. Let's fix that.

Amazing beta job by [personal profile] queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( Our heroes saddle up the unicorns and head for the port town of En-by-the-Sea, where their first move is to split up. Shenanigans ensue. )
erinptah: (You Are Not Alone)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Castles In The Sand (1/10)
Rating: R
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, Hodgman, Miss Jenny Slothodor (a cavern singer), Sam(/Jason), Wilmore/Oliver
Warnings: Sexy sex; gratuitous bathing scene. Eventually: (skip) pregnancy, potential abortion, references to past traumas, magical fempreg, more sex, mortal peril
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

It's the third installment in the magical fantasy epic. If we've learned anything from Narnia—not to mention Pirates of the Caribbean, Shrek, and even Tolkien—that means it's time for a voyage to the End of the World. (Almost everything else about this story would probably make C. S. Lewis spin in his grave, but what can you do.)

That's right, folks, the Castleverse threequel is finally out of the "wistful hint-dropping" stage and into the "actual posting" one :D

Amazing beta job by [personal profile] queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Title comes from the Philosopher Kings song. To get up to speed on the prequels, see the Castleverse Table of Contents.

( Stephen and Olivia parlay their geekiness into a job; Olivia and Kristen parlay their geekiness into hot sex. But just when everything seems to be going swimmingly, Kristen's fire powers decide to take a holiday. )

Fic: Chill

Oct. 30th, 2011 09:09 pm
erinptah: (winding road)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Chill
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Vampirism, hypnotism
Pairings/Characters: "Stephen", Jon
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

In honor of Halloween, have a bit more of the Eagle of Hermes 'verse, shortly after the attacks of '99. Jon's never done this before, so he's a little nervous. In trying to make it good for him, Stephen accidentally overdoes it on the hypnosis.

For my [community profile] hc_bingo round 2 card, prompt "brainwashing".

( 'I'll take half a pint, and not a drop more. You might not appreciate it — few people do — but my self-control is legendary.' )
erinptah: (sailor moon)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Five (And Then Some) Heart Crystals The Death Busters Never Stole
Fandoms: Sailor Moon and crossovers: The Daily Show, Puella Magi Madoka Magica, His Dark Materials, Battlestar Galactica, Doctor Who
Characters/Pairings: Kaolinite, Eudial, Mimete, Viluy; Jon, Olivia, "Stephen"; Homura/Madoka; Lyra, Pan; Sharon, Roslin, Tory, Tigh; Four, Sarah Jane
Rating: PG
Warnings: Spoils ALL THE THINGS, especially MadoMagi, HDM, and BSG.
Disclaimer: Not a single one of these series is mine. More's the pity.

What it says on the tin. Heart crystals that Kaolinite and the Witches 5 would have gone after, if only they'd existed in the same series.

Most of these involve AU versions of the crossover characters' canon settings. Just pretend those years and areas were the ones in which the Death Busters set up shop...and then ignore all the continuity issues that brings up ^_^;

For my round 2 [community profile] hc_bingo card, prompts "experiments by evil scientists" and "headaches/migraines".

On Dreamwidth | On the AO3
erinptah: (Integra)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Sense and Sensibility and Vampires
Rating: PG
Warnings: Blood, character undeath
Pairings/Characters: "Stephen", Jon
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

From the Eagle of Hermes 'verse, with spoilers for the main story. For the [livejournal.com profile] fakenews_fanfic prompt "the five senses." Or, in Stephen's case, five and then some. Illustration here.

( If the peach tasted ashen and watery in his mouth, it was because of the inferiority of non-South-Carolina stock, that was all. )
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Jon Knows
Rating: R
Contents: (skip) Non-con
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

A depressing drabble (100 words). Another of those through-a-glass-darkly twists on the OTP dynamic.

( Jon Knows )


Title: Check In
Rating: G
Contents: (skip) Mental hospitalization
Characters/pairings: "Stephen", OC
Disclaimer: Same as above.

A second dismal drabble. Inspired by the lack of tosses lately.

( Check In )

Title: Scars
Rating: PG
Contents: Past abuse
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Disclaimer: Same as above.

And a third, though this one is on the right track. Same universe as this picture (borderline NSFW).

( Scars )
erinptah: (You Are Not Alone)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Beware The Nice Ones
Rating: NC-17
Contents: Sex, language, emotional unhealthiness in spades
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen" (background Jon/Tracey and "Stephen"/Lorraine)
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

A slice of post-Emmy darkfic.

( It's not really surprising that people think Jon's the nice one. )

Open Heart

Sep. 12th, 2011 01:04 am
erinptah: Madoka and Homura (madoka)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Open Heart
Rating: PG
Pairings/Characters: Jon/"Stephen", Jon/Tracey, Tracey/Charlene, Tad/Bobby, Olivia, families, OCs
Warnings: (skip) heart attack (nobody dies)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Part of the Expectingverse, from the spring before The Interview. The Stewart and Colbert families have practically moved in together, but most of the world still doesn't see Jon and Stephen's relationship for what it is. Stephen thought he'd be okay with that. When Jon has to be rushed to the hospital, he thinks again.

For my [community profile] hc_bingo card, prompt "invisibility."

( It wasn't easy to defy the pleading of a dozen eager children, but after three innings Jon begged a rest and all but staggered over to one of Stephen's wicker lawn chairs to catch his breath. )
erinptah: Cat in christmas lights (christmas)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Something To Celebrate
Rating: PG
Characters/pairings: Jon, liberal!"Stephen"
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

A very special holiday-themed Liberalverse ficlet, referencing the passing of the Zadroga bill. (This was more poignant before the bill's failings began to surface, but oh well.) Based on a prompt from [personal profile] queenfanfiction: 034. Not Enough

( Stephen is resolutely observing Soltice, Festivus, HumanLight, Christmahanukwanzakah, Kwanzaa, and Slovenien Independence Day all in a row. )
erinptah: (Birds)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Feel The Magic, Hear The Purr
Fandom: The Colbert Report
Characters/Pairings: "Stephen", Jon, Christiane, Tad
Rating: PG
Summary: An accidental bit of magic leaves Stephen's mind switched out of his body...and into Christiane Aman-purr's. While Tad heads off to retrieve the fix, Jon gets stuck with cat-sitting.

(In other words: I had a sudden urge to write some kind of catboy!Stephen, and decided not to fight it.)

Written for round 2 of [community profile] hc_bingo, prompt "mindswap"; card and masterpost here.

( 'I'm not used to being dependent on someone else for basic needs. I mean, sure, my lunch is always catered and brought to me on silver platters by toga-clad interns, but I always open it up myself!' )
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: It Came From Beyond The Stars And Stripes (4/4)
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen", Olivia, alien OCs
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: (skip) mortal peril
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. The Report characters and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and Viacom. The real person(s) are used in a fictional parody context.

Jon and Stephen deal with the emotional aftermath of Jon's operation. Ideally, they wouldn't have had to do that while Olivia and Jon were also facing the climax of the fight for humanity's place in the universe...but hey, you work with what you get.

For the record, this hits "arrest" and "brainwashing" on my card for [community profile] hc_bingo.

Full story: Table of Contents

( 'If you don't make things right with Jon before then, you might lose the chance forever.' )
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: Sweetness Follows; or, The Remarkably Low-Angst Transition of Joan Stewart
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Language, transphobia, references to bullying, bad accents, outrageous drag names.
Characters/pairings: Jo(a)n(/Tracey), "Stephen", John Oliver, Wyatt, Kristen
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

What it says on the tin. Jon switches names, starts on hormones, deals with mood swings, and gets support from almost all quarters, in the office and out. Stephen has a rocky time with the whole idea, but who didn't see that coming?

Last-minute amnesty fill for [community profile] queer_fest, for the prompt: (skip) Any fandom, any MtF character, why she doesn't want surgery--a girl can have a penis dammit! This should NOT be a problem!

In spite of the timing, it's been in progress since back when that was an [community profile] lgbtfest prompt. Takes place around spring/summer of 2009.

Related stories: Transverse

( 'Do you know how rare true ballsiness is? How could you jeopardize our country by making that resource even more scarce? And in a time of war, too! I should call Homeland Security on you!' )
erinptah: (starscape)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: It Came From Beyond The Stars And Stripes (3/4)
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen", Olivia, alien OCs
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Angst, (skip) abortion, medical skeeviness, imminent memory wipe
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. The Report characters and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and Viacom. The real person(s) are used in a fictional parody context.

Stephen, Jon, and Olivia wind up on a secret alien moon base. They're all much too preoccupied to appreciate it properly.

Hat Tip to [personal profile] sarcasticsra for some of the alien design. A further Hat Tip to Octavia E. Butler for writing top-notch serious alien mpreg (warning: body horror, wonky alien consent issues). And while I'm here, a Hat Tip to TDS co-creator Lizz Winnstead, who is currently doing a comedy tour in support of Planned Parenthood.

Full story: Table of Contents

( 'Cut him some slack, Your Alienness; he's never gotten anyone knocked up before.' )
erinptah: (Default)
[personal profile] erinptah
Title: It Came From Beyond The Stars And Stripes (2/4?)
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen", the WØRD, Olivia
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mpreg, squicky biological stuff, (skip) fighting over abortion
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. The Report characters and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and Viacom. The real person(s) are used in a fictional parody context.

Stephen and Jon each have their own separate freakouts about the hybrid fetus incubating in Jon's torso, which finally, painfully, crash together. Olivia provides emotional support along the way, though she's really just here for the alien fish.

...Honestly, any summary for this sounds like false advertising. It's too sober for crackfic, and takes refuge in audacity too much to be serious, and I don't know how to convey the balance (assuming there is one) other than letting the text speak for itself.

Full story: Table of Contents

( 'Men don't express worry. They just roll it up in a ball and compress it into a tiny tight little knot until they can let it out by exploding at Democrats.' )

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