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Monday Morning Vidspam: Fake News Fandom, This Is Your Canon
So, ah...last week was an amazing time to be in this fandom, y/y?
Videos, links, and quotations under the cut - just in case anyone (a) hasn't seen this yet and (b) has managed to go unspoiled so far.
(They love us! They really love us!)
With a matching tweet:
I'm excited to be gay! Just think how it's going to improve my self esteem now that I'm highly attracted to myself.
And another tweet to go with:
jonathan! oh god i miss u! can i come back? i'm so sorry i left you to run "groomin' grooms" all by yourself!
And, courtesy of NoFactZone, the entire speech:
Here’s how we’ll stop the gays from marrying. Okay.
Step one, I want all of my straight male viewers to start hanging around in gay bars. Make friends with a gay man. Now you’re going to be spending a lot of time together. So you’re going to want the find one you really click with. Okay. It might seem like all the best ones are taken, but don’t get depressed. He’s out there. You’ll know him when you meet him.
Step two, make him fall in love with you.
Step three, move to California. Get a cozy little cottage in Venice Beach, maybe open an upscale dog grooming boutique. You’re good with business and Jonathan is amazing with animals. You meet his parents. He introduces you as his roommate. Tension! Really, Jonathan? It’s been two years. You have a fight. He apologizes, tells his parents and they’re not surprised. And they just want what’s best for the both of you.
Step four. You’re wine tasting in Sonoma. You stop at this great little antique place, hide a ring inside the roll top credenza he’s been eyeing for weeks. He opens it, bam, you drop to a knee and ask him to make you the luckiest man on earth. He says, of course, because you’re a catch.
Step five, stall. Do not, not set a date. Say you just want to wait until you’re financially stable. Say you can’t honeymoon in Bali in the summer because it’s monsoon season. Say anything. Just drag it out. Before you know it, six years have passed. You’re not getting any younger. He’s threatening to leave. You say, fine, fine, Jonathan, November 2nd in Big Sur.
The day is perfect. It’s on the beach. White linen casual no shoes. Cupcakes instead of a cake. That’s fun. You let his cousin play the oboe. He’s not that good but it means the world to him. And as the sun is setting over the Pacific and you’ve recited your hand-written vows, the Rabbi asks, if you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband, and you look into his eyes and say, “No way, ***, I am not gay!”. Yeah! So all that sex we had was straight sex!
It will destroy him. He will forever be embittered against the idea of marriage. Then your trap sprung, you turn on your heel, march right back up that aisle past your loved ones secure in the knowledge that he will never...
Be married to anyone. Certainly not you. And you can’t forget the look on his beautiful face when you told him. His eyes were like two dead birds. Oh, God. There’s only one person right now who can comfort him, and that’s you. But he will never talk to you again, and neither will his amazing mother Janet. What a pill. On Valentine’s day she sent him a bouquet of acorns. She loves him so much. What have I done?
Saved marriage, that’s what. Well done. And we’ve got to because those people don’t love each other like we do. Okay. Once your job is well done, you go find yourself a nice girl. Maybe one of those Russian mail order brides. That’s still legal, right?
Videos, links, and quotations under the cut - just in case anyone (a) hasn't seen this yet and (b) has managed to go unspoiled so far.
(They love us! They really love us!)
| The Colbert Report | Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c | |||
| Stephen Might Be Gay | ||||
| ||||
With a matching tweet:
I'm excited to be gay! Just think how it's going to improve my self esteem now that I'm highly attracted to myself.
| The Colbert Report | Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c | |||
| How to Ruin Same-Sex Marriages | ||||
| ||||
And another tweet to go with:
jonathan! oh god i miss u! can i come back? i'm so sorry i left you to run "groomin' grooms" all by yourself!
And, courtesy of NoFactZone, the entire speech:
Here’s how we’ll stop the gays from marrying. Okay.
Step one, I want all of my straight male viewers to start hanging around in gay bars. Make friends with a gay man. Now you’re going to be spending a lot of time together. So you’re going to want the find one you really click with. Okay. It might seem like all the best ones are taken, but don’t get depressed. He’s out there. You’ll know him when you meet him.
Step two, make him fall in love with you.
Step three, move to California. Get a cozy little cottage in Venice Beach, maybe open an upscale dog grooming boutique. You’re good with business and Jonathan is amazing with animals. You meet his parents. He introduces you as his roommate. Tension! Really, Jonathan? It’s been two years. You have a fight. He apologizes, tells his parents and they’re not surprised. And they just want what’s best for the both of you.
Step four. You’re wine tasting in Sonoma. You stop at this great little antique place, hide a ring inside the roll top credenza he’s been eyeing for weeks. He opens it, bam, you drop to a knee and ask him to make you the luckiest man on earth. He says, of course, because you’re a catch.
Step five, stall. Do not, not set a date. Say you just want to wait until you’re financially stable. Say you can’t honeymoon in Bali in the summer because it’s monsoon season. Say anything. Just drag it out. Before you know it, six years have passed. You’re not getting any younger. He’s threatening to leave. You say, fine, fine, Jonathan, November 2nd in Big Sur.
The day is perfect. It’s on the beach. White linen casual no shoes. Cupcakes instead of a cake. That’s fun. You let his cousin play the oboe. He’s not that good but it means the world to him. And as the sun is setting over the Pacific and you’ve recited your hand-written vows, the Rabbi asks, if you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband, and you look into his eyes and say, “No way, ***, I am not gay!”. Yeah! So all that sex we had was straight sex!
It will destroy him. He will forever be embittered against the idea of marriage. Then your trap sprung, you turn on your heel, march right back up that aisle past your loved ones secure in the knowledge that he will never...
Be married to anyone. Certainly not you. And you can’t forget the look on his beautiful face when you told him. His eyes were like two dead birds. Oh, God. There’s only one person right now who can comfort him, and that’s you. But he will never talk to you again, and neither will his amazing mother Janet. What a pill. On Valentine’s day she sent him a bouquet of acorns. She loves him so much. What have I done?
Saved marriage, that’s what. Well done. And we’ve got to because those people don’t love each other like we do. Okay. Once your job is well done, you go find yourself a nice girl. Maybe one of those Russian mail order brides. That’s still legal, right?
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Do not take Treesus' name in vain! :<
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also it's not taking his name in vain if what i say is true ;_;
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Honestly, I just have to say -- I've never been in a fandom that went canon like this. It makes me so happy... so incredibly happy and so VALIDATED.
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My interpretation of this is that the whole elaborate eight-year "relationship" is "Stephen"'s fantasy, not Character!Canon, because this way he can fantasize everything, from meeting him to the smexing and even part of a wedding, without feeling guilty about it because it's still somehow straight and even homophobic, given his bizarre logic.
(That doesn't mean I won't read/enjoy or possibly even write stories that contradict this! I just can't help but form a personal "fiction-canon" that's basically a form of Occam's Razor. What's the most realistic scenario that's supported by the most "canonical" tidbits? etc.)
The funny thing is, I wasn't catching it at first. I mean, right from that moment he was like "don't worry, you'll meet the right one eventually!", I knew he was making up a Big Gay Story about himself, and I was enjoying it. But the subtle way he named the other guy "Jonathan" went right over my head, and because I'm Jewish, I didn't even notice it when he said "rabbi" !!! Because that's normal in my world, not "a clue". It was my spouse that tipped me off, and then I think I almost launched into the air like a helicopter.
One thing that really intrigues me about it is that right at the end, where he's blubbing about Janet and the acorns and all this random shit, I was totally expecting him to do that thing where you're crying and then suddenly BOOM back to normal. And then he didn't. He had to "calm himself down". Very dramatic.
All those ideas of yours are sooo good... makes me think that a "Five Times" sort of format would work well in a way to efficiently explore all of them. The plus side of that is that it would tie them all together in a way that shows the ever-changing nature of fantasy--what's "true" for Stephen might change with his mood, with his hormone level, with the current political climate, with how Jon treats him that day, etc. The downside is that it gives you a cop-out which means I'd have less fic to read than if you wrote them all separately!!! Harrr.
Hey, do you remember when Stephen interviewed himself and broke down and almost cried and couldn't speak when he asked himself about Jon Stewart? That totally ties in with this canon.
Also, if SC is leading up to a big "ex-gay" stunt, you heard it first from me ;-) After all, he "came out" the week before the Stewart fantasy, so it would fit right in. And let him stay "conservative".
(Was that too much? Is anyone still reading this thread? LOL...)