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Monday Morning Vidspam: Fake News Fandom, This Is Your Canon
So, ah...last week was an amazing time to be in this fandom, y/y?
Videos, links, and quotations under the cut - just in case anyone (a) hasn't seen this yet and (b) has managed to go unspoiled so far.
(They love us! They really love us!)
With a matching tweet:
I'm excited to be gay! Just think how it's going to improve my self esteem now that I'm highly attracted to myself.
And another tweet to go with:
jonathan! oh god i miss u! can i come back? i'm so sorry i left you to run "groomin' grooms" all by yourself!
And, courtesy of NoFactZone, the entire speech:
Here’s how we’ll stop the gays from marrying. Okay.
Step one, I want all of my straight male viewers to start hanging around in gay bars. Make friends with a gay man. Now you’re going to be spending a lot of time together. So you’re going to want the find one you really click with. Okay. It might seem like all the best ones are taken, but don’t get depressed. He’s out there. You’ll know him when you meet him.
Step two, make him fall in love with you.
Step three, move to California. Get a cozy little cottage in Venice Beach, maybe open an upscale dog grooming boutique. You’re good with business and Jonathan is amazing with animals. You meet his parents. He introduces you as his roommate. Tension! Really, Jonathan? It’s been two years. You have a fight. He apologizes, tells his parents and they’re not surprised. And they just want what’s best for the both of you.
Step four. You’re wine tasting in Sonoma. You stop at this great little antique place, hide a ring inside the roll top credenza he’s been eyeing for weeks. He opens it, bam, you drop to a knee and ask him to make you the luckiest man on earth. He says, of course, because you’re a catch.
Step five, stall. Do not, not set a date. Say you just want to wait until you’re financially stable. Say you can’t honeymoon in Bali in the summer because it’s monsoon season. Say anything. Just drag it out. Before you know it, six years have passed. You’re not getting any younger. He’s threatening to leave. You say, fine, fine, Jonathan, November 2nd in Big Sur.
The day is perfect. It’s on the beach. White linen casual no shoes. Cupcakes instead of a cake. That’s fun. You let his cousin play the oboe. He’s not that good but it means the world to him. And as the sun is setting over the Pacific and you’ve recited your hand-written vows, the Rabbi asks, if you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband, and you look into his eyes and say, “No way, ***, I am not gay!”. Yeah! So all that sex we had was straight sex!
It will destroy him. He will forever be embittered against the idea of marriage. Then your trap sprung, you turn on your heel, march right back up that aisle past your loved ones secure in the knowledge that he will never...
Be married to anyone. Certainly not you. And you can’t forget the look on his beautiful face when you told him. His eyes were like two dead birds. Oh, God. There’s only one person right now who can comfort him, and that’s you. But he will never talk to you again, and neither will his amazing mother Janet. What a pill. On Valentine’s day she sent him a bouquet of acorns. She loves him so much. What have I done?
Saved marriage, that’s what. Well done. And we’ve got to because those people don’t love each other like we do. Okay. Once your job is well done, you go find yourself a nice girl. Maybe one of those Russian mail order brides. That’s still legal, right?
Videos, links, and quotations under the cut - just in case anyone (a) hasn't seen this yet and (b) has managed to go unspoiled so far.
(They love us! They really love us!)
| The Colbert Report | Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c | |||
| Stephen Might Be Gay | ||||
| ||||
With a matching tweet:
I'm excited to be gay! Just think how it's going to improve my self esteem now that I'm highly attracted to myself.
| The Colbert Report | Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c | |||
| How to Ruin Same-Sex Marriages | ||||
| ||||
And another tweet to go with:
jonathan! oh god i miss u! can i come back? i'm so sorry i left you to run "groomin' grooms" all by yourself!
And, courtesy of NoFactZone, the entire speech:
Here’s how we’ll stop the gays from marrying. Okay.
Step one, I want all of my straight male viewers to start hanging around in gay bars. Make friends with a gay man. Now you’re going to be spending a lot of time together. So you’re going to want the find one you really click with. Okay. It might seem like all the best ones are taken, but don’t get depressed. He’s out there. You’ll know him when you meet him.
Step two, make him fall in love with you.
Step three, move to California. Get a cozy little cottage in Venice Beach, maybe open an upscale dog grooming boutique. You’re good with business and Jonathan is amazing with animals. You meet his parents. He introduces you as his roommate. Tension! Really, Jonathan? It’s been two years. You have a fight. He apologizes, tells his parents and they’re not surprised. And they just want what’s best for the both of you.
Step four. You’re wine tasting in Sonoma. You stop at this great little antique place, hide a ring inside the roll top credenza he’s been eyeing for weeks. He opens it, bam, you drop to a knee and ask him to make you the luckiest man on earth. He says, of course, because you’re a catch.
Step five, stall. Do not, not set a date. Say you just want to wait until you’re financially stable. Say you can’t honeymoon in Bali in the summer because it’s monsoon season. Say anything. Just drag it out. Before you know it, six years have passed. You’re not getting any younger. He’s threatening to leave. You say, fine, fine, Jonathan, November 2nd in Big Sur.
The day is perfect. It’s on the beach. White linen casual no shoes. Cupcakes instead of a cake. That’s fun. You let his cousin play the oboe. He’s not that good but it means the world to him. And as the sun is setting over the Pacific and you’ve recited your hand-written vows, the Rabbi asks, if you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband, and you look into his eyes and say, “No way, ***, I am not gay!”. Yeah! So all that sex we had was straight sex!
It will destroy him. He will forever be embittered against the idea of marriage. Then your trap sprung, you turn on your heel, march right back up that aisle past your loved ones secure in the knowledge that he will never...
Be married to anyone. Certainly not you. And you can’t forget the look on his beautiful face when you told him. His eyes were like two dead birds. Oh, God. There’s only one person right now who can comfort him, and that’s you. But he will never talk to you again, and neither will his amazing mother Janet. What a pill. On Valentine’s day she sent him a bouquet of acorns. She loves him so much. What have I done?
Saved marriage, that’s what. Well done. And we’ve got to because those people don’t love each other like we do. Okay. Once your job is well done, you go find yourself a nice girl. Maybe one of those Russian mail order brides. That’s still legal, right?
no subject
also it's not taking his name in vain if what i say is true ;_;
no subject